By Zohra Javed for TwoCircles.net,
Although this may be said more vocally about finances and money; the fact that relations are the most unstable of all the possessions that one may ever be attached to, can hardly be denied. Most of one’s relations are established at birth and helplessly determined; just as some other vitals like religion, gender, nationality etc. In addition to these predetermined specifics in one’s life there are more associations that come along through societal responsibilities like marriage and work/profession, and also as simply as friendships forged over a period of time.
Of the relations so developed, the extension of family through marriage becomes as important and permanent as the relations by birth, popularly known as blood relations. Relations through marriage are more complicated too as they often become defining factors in the shaping of bonding between blood relatives. They tend to determine the strengthening and blossoming (or the withering away) of a family and thus determine the happiness (or the conflict) that could make or break an entire clan.
Therefore it is very important to choose these associations intelligently. But in a world full of imperfections, passion and selfishness it is much easier to be said than done. One is so painfully amazed to see crowded family courts filled with once-upon-a-time loved ones facing one another with bitterness. And the more painful fact is that there are even cases of, a small portion of the vast majority of blood relatives being locked in varying degrees of hateful rivalry.
The chance for a fair amount of friction cannot be ruled out though, if individuals have to interact and live in harmony. Ironical as it may sound, the fact that no two individuals are same, and difference in opinion is considered a healthy sign of co-existence, cannot be ignored as well. Tact, transparency and understanding assume great importance in building and cementing long-lasting togetherness, especially in multi-dimensional relations.
How can understanding develop? And how much of tact should be brought into effect? How much should one be “giving” so that he could get back something in a “give-and-take” venture? These are questions that do not have a tailor-made answer. Nor there are ready-reckoned formulas for ever, on such relations. But some broadly defined rules can be kept in mind.
The following may be guidelines of sorts:
1) Always place and assume yourself to be in others position in case of a conflict, to “understand” their point of view.
2) Never try to seek perfection.
3) Do not “give” anything in charity to someone who does not require it. And never “give” in expectation of something in return.
4) Always have work areas well defined.
5) Have good fences and respect other’s space and privacy.
And the most important thing to remember is that for a relationship to be enjoyable one must understand and be understood by the other. This is where transparency comes in. In most circumstances misunderstandings start with petty things and soon ego takes over such silly reasons. Ego is often confused and understood as self respect. Self respect makes a man worthy whereas ego spells him to doom. Self respect is a source for dignified existence; ego undoubtedly causes devastation, not just for the egotist but by its extension to associated relationships as well.
Balancing anything is difficult. And balancing kinship is perhaps the most difficult of all balancing acts. Still relationships are the most precious treasure for a human being because good relations bring more contentment than all other material wealth in the world. Hence the most selfless efforts should be to invest in relations.