By Mohammed Yousuf,
They say marriages are made in heaven, and it appears to be that way for many people –the rich and the poor, the beautiful and not so, the educated and the illiterate, the urbanite and not. The only community that is finding it difficult is people with disabilities, not one or two but many, perhaps even in the million are finding it difficult to get married and lead a family life. The issues could be many, but it is adding one more hurdle to persons with disabilities and their families -making it illusive and impossible.
Growing up with a disability in India, I had dreaded this thought, thinking about my marriage and the marriage of others in my situation. Even as a student in India, I have painfully become aware of these issues, the fear of the parents with children with disabilities, some who left this world fighting and thinking the impossible that their son or the daughter would someday be married to someone and they can relieve themselves. I had also known of some families who hid their children with disabilities or asked person with disabilities to withdraw themselves from joining such occasions when marriages of other siblings were considered or discussed in the so called “arranged marriage processes”.
Marriages with and among people with disabilities is considered a taboo due to social pressures and prejudice. This is especially evident in families from the Asians-pacific islanders where the marriage of a person with a disability is often unthinkable.A good friend of mine who used to be disability blogger in Michigan, passed away few years ago often writing about this issue.
God has been kind to me; I got married in 1995 and am living with my wife and three kids. I have heard from a number of parents, individuals and friends seeking to get their loved ones with disabilities married struggle with this dilemma. In the places that I have traveled working on disability development and inclusion, I have been approached a number of times by parents, individuals and friends to talk about this issue– from the dreaded eyes of an old age father to a young convert who was looking to find a husband for her blind friends, I have fielded many questions and many desperations. I wish I have words to put their pain and agony in my words, I wish I can say how I felt with someone who cried in helplessness. Years have since passed but I have not been able to forget those moments, those people and their faces.
EquallyAble has started a program now to bring an end to thisissueand attempts to solve the age-old issue of stigma and stereotype associated with the marriage of persons with disabilities. Under this initiative, carefully selected person with disabilities will be married to person with or without disabilities, pre and post marriage counseling is provided to the couples including providing basic household registry such as furniture, cooking utensils etc. Above all a small businesswill be set up for the newly married to generate income, the business will be such that both spouses can partake to earn a living and possibly lead a mainstream happy life.This program is not about match making, and it should not be construed as such. It is not about match making, it is not like match.com or eharmony.com.
EquallyAbleinitially sponsored this initiative at a cost of $25000 where over 25 such marriages will be performed in India- few of the marriages have been performed and more will be taking place within a month or so-few of the marriage videos will be posted on EquallyAble’syoutublechannel, visit www.equallyable.org to look for the videos.The success of this initiative will be judged after the initial offering. This initiative is likely to be expanded to other parts in India and other countries subject to availability of funds and resources.
If you like to know more about this program or to support it, please visit www.equallyable.org.
(Mohammed Yousuf is the Founder President, EquallyAble Foundation. He is a disability activist and researcher and can be reached at [email protected])