By Aamir Qutub
I am a common male. I may be a student, a software engineer or a tradesman; doesn’t matter. What matters is that I feel so infuriated and frustrated when I hear about rape cases again and again. I feel so helpless, all I can do is to show my anger on Facebook or sometime go out and protest. I hate my society and the system for letting this happen and I feel ashamed of my country. But I am genuinely concerned about the safety of women out there. I advise them on social networks to wear proper clothes, cover themselves properly, stay at home in night etc. I believe, that up to a certain extent, they are also responsible for all this. In fact, everyone except me is responsible for every wrong thing going around in the world.
But what if I actually go down to root cause of the problem and realize one day that I was also somehow, somewhere responsible for what happened or what is happening. It was me who actually encouraged that rapist to commit such a major sin. I am also a rapist, in some way.
Malcolm Gladwell in his book “Tipping Point” defines crime as contagious- just as fashion trend is contagious. Every epidemic has a reason behind it- in case of crime it can be best described by “Broken Windows” theory suggested by criminologists Wilson and Kelling. It suggests that crime is inevitable result of disorder. So if a window is broken, and left unrepaired, people walking by will assume that no one cares, more windows will be broken, sending a sense of anarchy and signalizing that anything goes.
Did I never ever stare at a girl or ‘check her out’ scanning her from head to toe? Grabbing attention of my friends- “Check her out man… she is hot”. But I believe this is permissible coz it is just for fun. Did I ever ask myself what I am actually ‘analysing’ or ‘measuring’ when I am checking her out? What is our intention when actually check something out or even stare at something? But I don’t care; it is just fun for me. I believe it is permissible, so does the society. Doesn’t it sound very similar to the very first step of a potential rapist?
But that doesn’t make me a rapist. I even never passed a vulgar comment on a girl. Yes! My friend did, and we laughed a lot. But, come on! That was just for fun and we didn’t mean any harm. I understand it’s not a healthy thing but it’s not a very big issue. It is so common; I came across a lot of people passing comments but I never tried to stop them. In other words, I allowed them, so did the society. But I never knew that I have already sent out a clear message- “you are allowed to rape a girl with your gaze or your words, and nobody is going to interrupt.”
In all these years I have been blaming and criticising society and system but never actually realized that society or system is made up of individuals like me. These are my actions and my thoughts which actually shape the whole society.
It was me who ripped off the dignity of woman by awarding her with lustful nomenclatures like ‘Chikni Chameli’ and ‘Shiela ki Jawani’. It was me who went to watch a movie because it featured an Indo-Canadian porn star. It was me who appointed an ‘attractive’ receptionist in my office and an ‘alluring’ airhostess in my airlines so that my costumers (who are like me) can have a pleasant experience. I am not a rapist but still I defined a woman by numbers 24-36-24. Did I ever think what words like ‘Chikni’ and ‘Jawani’ signify? What actually urged me to go and watch a porn star, or to choose a good looking receptionist over someone who may be more qualified? Doesn’t these activities somewhere syncs with a Rapist’s psychology?
As Japanese management theory suggests that repeated near miss incidents converts to minor accidents; which in turn if repeated are bound to convert to major accidents. So if I allow microscopic (as I consider them) incidents like ‘staring’ and ‘checking out’ to happen, they are bound to convert into minor (as I consider them) accidents like ‘eve teasing’ and ‘verbal harassment’. And if I accept the repetition of these minor (as I call them) accidents as a norm in the society, they will ultimately lead to the major accident (at least, I considered it be major) which is the most inhuman act that can exist on this earth- Rape. And I am equally accused in the crime because I could have stopped at the very beginning. I am a rapist by my failure to stop these “minor” incidents.
Now when I have realized that I have an equal share in the crime, and I am equally responsible for the pain and sufferings those innocent are going through; I cannot spend my life like a rapist. Because it is not just about them, it is my own dignity and self conscience at stake. I must change it all. If I really want to bring some change in society, I have to change myself. I have to protect my own eyes, lower my gaze, stop staring at them, and eradicate lust from my own mind. I have to make sure that I identify and stand against any act of harassment, no matter how small it is in the magnitude.
Actions are stronger than words. Such small but powerful actions when integrated over the mass can actually lay the foundation of a better society where any act of disrespect or harassment is totally unacceptable and considered a taboo. If I will keep a check on the microscopic disorders, no one will have the courage to cause a major damage to my society. That day, I would be able to say with pride and honour- No, I am not a rapist.
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Aamit Qutub is former secretary of AMU Students’ Union and now a member of Academic Board, Deakin University, Australia.