(Yes, the nation wants ..…err…AIMPLB wants to know your DNA.)
By Dr.Asma Anjum Khan,
I am writing this letter to you secretly and sending it tied to the legs of a kabutar, because I don’t want anyone from here to see it and know about my not so healthy patriotism.
[ Note: True patriotism is liking husband of Kajol.]
Love is sublime , bohat azeem but they say loving a Pakistani is a big no no.
[My heart says a big haan haan to their no no]
Ae dil badi hai mushkil….
Even Akbar e Azam could not stop Dilip Kumar aka Salim from loving his Anarkali. However in real life, Abba jaan of Madhubala did stop it involving that handsomest man in the history of Indo-Pak, our very own Yusuf saab. By the way, Shahrukh comes second and you, third.
[All Muss at the top three might just be a coincidence. ]
Now stop sulking for coming third.
Ae Fawad, you toh, shall always remain in my heart, just as water remains clogged on Mumbai roads long after the rains.
It’s that strong.
Now here toh halaat is so bad that even before you open your mouth to say something, you are labeled Desh Drohi.
Is it the same over there?
Long long ago, means when I was studying school waghairah there was a famous joke we often heard.
Listen, there were two dogs. One Pakistani, and other Hindustani.
One was going from this side to that side and other was coming from that side to of course, this side. Where else? It all depends on which side you are to understand this side wali story.
Okay so, they met and hugged each other and even smiled. Oh, don’t twitch your eyes, what do you know about dogs? And remember I am imagining this doggy mulaqaat in my own colorful way.
Hence, suniye, with carefulness.
Pakistani dog asks, Oh man , why are you coming here to Pakistan?[ Must be a desh drohi type of dog]
Indian dog says, because I want to eat lots of food. He was looking famished, poor. Bechara kutta!
Then it’s time for the Indian one to ask, Why are you coming here, you toh already get so much to eat there, beef veef waghairah.[ Was he trying to twitch his one eye? Try imagining.]
Paki dog takes a deep breath. [ I tell you I am fidaa on this adaa of you Pakistanis! (Fidaa on Fawad, rhymes and chimes, oh my….) When you breathe deep, looking at your woman in Humsafar; God I died but didn’t go to heaven as India is our haven. Period.]
So he takes a deep breath and wants to take one more when, Indi dog cleverly interrupts, so Paki has to answer,” It’s correct I get to eat ample bones here but there is no freedom to bark, as and when I please”.
[Looking philosophical, he might have added, I guess, “ Freedom to bark is basic to human..sorry doggy existence.”]
Who knew this story would sound prophetic today twenty or so years after?
Do not know if the dogs changed sides but sides have surely changed.
Alas!
Now, we are becoming like you, ditto!
Love imitates. Love is blind they already said but who knew it was also deaf?
Deafness that likes its own voice.
But a caged bird doesn’t stop singing,
Jab fan bane toh darna kya
Fan bane koi chori naheen ki
Chhup chhup Fawad karna kya
Jab……
So here I am putting out my dil for all to see and judge me.
Abba Ghafoor will call me names and Ammi will try chheeno my phone, even though it’s a JIO. She has faint traces of desh drohiness in her. But please, don’t tell anyone.
Abb iss ko hi dekh lo, I didn’t talk about TT [triple talaq] or UCC [uniform civil code] and thinking about Fawad!
Is it not proof of my jazbaat for you?
That too in this age and era when, what loving, even liking you guys is so damn risky.
But riskier is saying anything about these Personnel Law board walas. [I don’t know but wonder, do they sit on a board sailing nowhere, hence the term? I have had enough of this personal law thing. I am told there is Personal in their name because they get personal with anyone who starts questioning them, and demand to see their DNA.]
Yes, the nation wants ..…err…AIMPLB wants to know your DNA.
But it’s out of question to demand to know anything from and about personal boarders, or else you are not a good Muss.
You ask these Personnel Boarders, ban TT and they scream Haram haram, Munafiq. You beseech them, Sir, please keep the right to khulaa as granted to the wife in your model nikah-nama and they call you modernist, a bit modernist or zarurat se ziyada bold and modernist.
Opposing Personnel Boarders is dangerous. You are deemed a traitor of the community and will be sent to the labs for DNA checking.
Sigh…
Waise nothing comes easier these days. You can’t tell, I had biryani for dinner, to your office people. They will give you looks.
Beefy looks.
So you keep your quiet and your peace. I am almost becoming a fake Buddha.
What else is difficult? Hmm..yes, you can’t utter word, ‘intolerance’ or else you know. Well, you know.
Asking questions on ‘this’ side has become difficult too. And damn risky, man.
And waise toh after, May ,dou hazar chauda, we have put cello-tape, made in China on our dry lips. I forgive Faiz for writing , Bol ke lab azad hain tere. He was in a bad mood, when he penned those immortal lines.
Who is not when one has missed his usual morning cuppa?
Under this scenario, what remains for cowards like me, is writing a letter to you.
Haaye, woh muskurahut…Where to find you now?
Sigh! Allah tauba, main kee karaan?
I feel trapped on and from both the sides. Sigh, didn’t I tell you, this was a side wali story?
Reactions to my love for you:
The Personnel boarders (almost shouting) :He is NaMohrim to you.
Other Desh-Bhakts type of people(Doubly shouting): How dare you love…even like a Pakistani? Damn!
(If those two dogs were alive today, instead of changing sides , they would have gone skiing in the Alps and jump from the highest precipice.)
But does love care? Normally, it should not. But nothing is normal here or there, dear. Hence, thus trapped, let me try to forget you for I want to be a true Desh Bhakt, for both; on this side and that side.
Forgive me Fawad.
Only yours
Paro
Signed: Begum Para bint e Ghafoor Uncle
Note: I also forgive Shakeel Badayuni for penning Jab pyar kiya toh darna kya, he was having a bad hair day.