By Uma Nair, IANS
The shooting of a schoolboy by two other boys at Euro International School in Gurgaon projects the prevalence of violence in schools, the need for parental-teacher intervention and above all the imperative focus on how to deal with both the bully and the victim in an atmosphere of social congeniality.
The fact that the alleged bully Abhishek Tyagi – the victim – was himself a leader and a discipline in-charge reflects the vent in the structure. When a school appoints a bully as a leader, we are unconsciously giving him a licence to rule and this brings into play a series of interactions from within and without.
The fact that he was involved in fights shows that he took his clout for granted. The incident reeks of pedagogic and parental indifference and this is the greatest deterrent to modern-day society. Indifference is an attitudinal aberration that has set into the core of societal structure, and this wreaks havoc in unimaginable ways. Educators and parents must work with each other. Principals have to cease ‘armchair functioning’ and make an effective impact on the mini nations they head.
Students must be moulded so as to feel the need to be honest with themselves to determine the truth in the situation. If a child has been acting in aggressive ways, the child must have more positive interactions with other children. Teachers and parents have to help him learn how to control his own behaviour. But children need adult time.
A climate of reasoning must be initiated. Ask helpful questions to determine the reasons for bullying behaviour. A teacher/parent must brainstorm with him a variety of options he would have as an alternative to being rough/tough. We have to help him learn new ways to handle the conflicts that arise with peers. Honesty to oneself is a great way to understand ourselves. But honesty is learnt only by example and inspiration.
The language of discipline works only with discretion. As adults we have to look for constructive consequences, such as assigning chores at school/home, or writing a note of apology to the child who was hurt, and bringing them to a stage of understanding and collaboration. Confrontation only nurtures hidden notions of contempt and a sense of revenge. Conflict can only be overcome by collaboration.
Bullies must be taught to control and conserve their physical power. It’s not easy because their might isn’t always right. Behavioural aberration in a bully must be identified and worked upon to change into constructive channels of creativity. Anger in an adolescent is a complex emotion and it has to be controlled and dealt with kid gloves.
The victim of a bully must also be counselled. He must learn to ignore and walk away for as long as he can. If the bully persists then the parent and the principal must meet and find a solution. But both the bully and the victim need intervention and attention. A lot of reports blame violence in the media, but feelings of hatred must be understood and diluted. Students must be studied for patterns of low/high quality of life, high alienation index, access to arms and academic performance. All schools must maintain records of aberrational behaviour in students.
If we want to address this agonising problem of discipline, perhaps we should pay some attention to what the children are telling us. We need “firm but kinder, gentler” schools, not indifferent cartels. Bullying and abuse as normal milestones of child development must not be allowed anywhere. Schools must communicate the value of caring and demonstrate that care and parental monitoring and patience must be encouraged. We need to provide alternatives to violence for problem-solving, to encourage more frequent, open, and genuine communication between students and adults who care.
We also need to do more to break the vicious cycle of peer pressure. As more and more problems emerge, teachers and schools and parents have to keep their eyes open and prevent tragedies in the future. And children must go down other avenues to solve problems and feel empowered. Wielding a gun becomes an easy path to killing and those who feel overwhelmed must be identified and comforted and helped. Of essential preventive importance here is a recommitting of our society and a redoubling of its efforts to keep guns out of the hands of children.
Bullying and mistreatment can create a simmering situation in the victimised. The hurt, shame, and anger of this victimisation boil over into the taking of lives and that point must not arrive. In a victim a sense of aloneness, alienation, and powerlessness sets the stage for dramatic revenge. Are schools reflecting an indifferent and interpersonal climate? We need to be aware that we cannot just wave off the verbal, physical and emotional hostility that students visit upon each other as “just being kids.” When there is no answer for a hurt voice, it rises into an act of murderous violence.
When incidents are allowed to accumulate they fester in children and they feel that violence toward others is a way to solve problems. When a student like this needs a solution badly, he will hurt others, as he has been hurt. Educators all over the nation need to ask themselves: are schools a safe place to be in? If we cannot foster self-control in children, what is education for?
(Uma Nair is an art critic and an English teacher at Don Bosco School, Delhi. She can be contacted at [email protected])