By PA Abdullah
My Dear Friend
Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatullah!
I am very happy to know that your marriage is getting fixed. May Allah bless you all the happiness. Amen. Meaning of your name is shadow of the most merciful; Rahman ka saya! I am hopeful that you will provide shelter to your life mate for free. You will not charge them in the form of dowry!
I am writing to you because, this is the most appropriate time to advise you. Moreover you are so close to me, your well being is very important to me. I know that you have studied in depth about Deen (religion) in the past few years. You practice it also. You have burning desire to correct the belief of your family members and all your relatives. But it will be possible only by showing them an exemplary life.
Humanity is in dire need of examples, a live example; a proof that it is doable. Thus it is our utmost responsibility to ensure with our parents and the girl’s parents that the marriage will be performed in a Masnoon (Prophet’s) way. Nikah should be performed in the masjid; very few people should go with the groom as Barat, no show off in marriage, and with utmost simplicity. And most importantly, nothing (meaning nothing, no cash, no vehicle, no household item and no clothes for groom) will be acceptable even if you want to give them willingly.
“No one gives dowry by consent but due to the threat of girl’s future who will be taunted by her in-laws.
I want to highlight the point that if bride’s side want to give the dowry willingly also, it is still not acceptable. “Some argue that if the parents of the girl are giving by consent there is no sin in taking from her. In the words of Qazi Mujahedul Islam, no one gives by consent but due to the threat of girl’s future who will be taunted by her in-laws.[http://li.aleemkhanfalaki.com/chapters/dowry-jahez/#respond]”.
Girl’s parent gives for the sake of her future security, to save her from in laws taunting & harassment, society’s pressure. If they give willingly, why they want to show off to everyone and why do they give at the time of marriage only. Why don’t they give a gift of 50 thousand while they spend 5-10 lakhs in marriage.
A penny of dowry is as illegitimate as a drop of wine or a tiny piece of khinzeer meat. In fact it is a worse sin as we do injustice with other person (matter ofHuqooqul Ibaad) while when we eat pork or drink wine, it is personal. The action of taking dowry becomes far more abhorring because we do so with someone who is so close to us and have so much right upon us being our in-laws.
My dear friend, if we cannot take stand on this occasion; how can we start a new life, full of blessing of Allah! A dream of upbringing pious child – future ambassador of Islam? When we will not be able to follow Allah due to parents or social pressure, how can we expect our wives to respect us or listen to our advice to practice Islam?
Please remember that if we cannot take stand in our own marriage against dowry, we will be also partner in killing of millions of unborn female babies, thousands of killings of brides for the sake of dowry, millions of domestic abuse cases. One my friend Hassan Arshad met a Rajput, father of many young girls who did not have money for their marriages. He told about his own daughter that “kisi ke sath bhag bhi nahi jati hai”(she doesn’t even elope with anyone). Just think how helpless a father has to be to utter such words! Think over it!! I have seen few Muslim parents giving liberty to their daughters to mix with other boys for the free marriage. We all know many Muslims girls are getting married with Hindu boys for the same reason.
On the authority of Abu Saeed Al-Khurdari, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say: “Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest of faith.” [Related by Muslim]
Above Hadith is about when someone else is doing injustice. How can we be given leniency to be soft and obedient to parents in our own marriage? But at the same time I advise you to be firm in your stand but be soft in your tone with parents in case of dispute.
Let me admit that I am full of shortcomings and weaknesses. I know and my Lord knows how big sins I have committed. Thus pray for my forgiveness and advise me as I did. I apologies if I have disturbed you. But only purpose is to save my beloved friend from the wrath of Allah. I pray for your respectful, peaceful and joyful new life. Amen
Let me end my mail with the couplet of Dr Nadim Zafar Jilani ~
Apne Hi baazoou’n pe bharosa karenge hum!
Hargiz na apne aap ka sauda karenge hum!
Yours,
Abdullah
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